Shorts‎ > ‎The Real Illuminati‎ > ‎

Joan of Arc

posted Jan 14, 2018, 11:49 AM by Viktor Zólyomi   [ updated Jan 14, 2018, 11:51 AM ]
In the early 15th century the Real Illuminati believed, that when they helped Henry V claim total victory over the French army at the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, they succeeded in putting themselves on the path to conquering all of Europe. Yet as history records it, what we know today as the Hundred Years' War did not conclude at Agincourt. The reason for this was that the Real Illuminati underestimated the power of French motivational speakers.

By the late 1420s the English had a good chunk of France under their control, but in 1429 they hit a roadblock at Orleans. They spent half a year laying siege to the city until in the spring of 1429 a young woman named Joan of Arc joined the French at Orleans. Making bold claims of having divine visions, she rallied the French troops who turned the table on the besieging army. The defenders attacked the English redoubts and forced them to lift the siege and retreat.

Whether or not there was any truth to her claims of divine visions, Joan of Arc's ability as a motivational speaker cannot be denied. The French heir apparent saw this as well and allowed her to accompany his army as they went on the offensive. They managed to take enough fortifications to force the English to abandon the whole of the Loire Valley. On their way out, the English lost thousands of men to a cavalry charge.

The Real Illuminati were baffled by the success of what they perceived as `a standard bearer in a skirt' according to records in their Secret Library. As they struggled to find a way to counter Joan of Arc's motivational power, the riled up French forces marched on Paris in order to take it back from the English. In September of 1429 they laid siege to the city and very nearly managed to take it over. Fortunately for the Real Illuminati, they had an assassin in the city whom they immediately tasked with removing the sole source of motivation the French army had. While Joan of Arc survived the assassination attempt, she did take a crossbow bolt in the thigh, and was forced to leave the battlefield, which demoralized the French army and drove them into retreat.

After the siege of Paris was lifted, the Real Illuminati thought they had averted disaster. That was until in November of 1429 Henry VI was officially crowned King of England at eight years of age. While his father Henry V had been on the best of terms with the Real Illuminati, the young new king was much more critical of the group and flat out placed all blame for the failures against the revitalized French forces upon their shoulders. The Real Illuminati found themselves faced with an ultimatum: either they could neutralize Joan of Arc, or they would get kicked out of the British Isles, yet again.

Not ones to surrender, the Real Illuminati decided to do what they did best, and pulled some strings. They convinced a French faction allied with the English, the Burgundians, that Joan of Arc was a servant of the Devil, and more importantly, that the English would pay them a fortune for her if she was captured alive. And so the Burgundians, who knew France inside and out, managed to set a trap near Compiègne where they successfully ambushed Joan of Arc and her escort in May of 1430. The Burgundians traded her to the English, and as soon as she was in England, the Real Illuminati quickly arranged for a mock trial where she was found guilty of false charges, and executed in short order.

Following the execution, the English seemed to be on track to victory once more, as Henry VI managed to have himself officially crowned the King of France in December of 1431. The Real Illuminati thought they had managed to avert disaster by removing the root of all their problems. However, the ten-year-old King of England told them in no uncertain terms that they were no longer welcome in the English Court on account of how much money he had to pay to the Burgundians in exchange for Joan of Arc.

And so, less than two decades after the triumph at Agincourt, the Real Illuminati were once again back to square one. But as history records it, the Hundred Years' War did not end in 1431, either.