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Alligator At The Cinema

posted Sep 26, 2015, 9:41 AM by Viktor Zólyomi   [ updated Sep 26, 2015, 9:41 AM ]
The following article was penned by Jonathan Parker and was originally published in the Desert Rock Guardian.

Moviegoers in the town of Desert Rock were recently treated to a life changing experience in the parking lot of the local cinema. The Screeningator, Desert Rock's iconic cinema theater, is famous for its mascot: a giant alligator staring down at customers from above the main entrance. While visitors are used to the sight of the mascot, they certainly weren't expecting to encounter a real live alligator.

"At first I thought it was just a guy in a costume." said a local man named John. "Me and some pals went over to congratulate the guy for his realistic costume. But when Gary lost two fingers we started to get suspicious."

Three other men in the group suffered hand injuries before they realized that they were dealing with a real live alligator. The situation went from bad to worse as the fleeing group ran directly into an audience leaving from the screening of a horror movie.

Mass panic broke out as one member of the audience seemed to mistake one of the wounded men for a character who had died in the zombie movie they had just seen. In the ensuing havoc seventeen people perished and twenty-nine others suffered serious injuries.

Meanwhile the alligator calmly stayed in the corner of the parking lot and simply watched as hundreds of people tried to flee the perceived zombie apocalypse. Of the seventeen who did not survive the incident, two died of heart attacks, fourteen were trampled to death, and the poor soul who resembled an actor from the horror movie was decapitated with a nail file. No one was killed by the alligator.

The investigation that followed quickly revealed that the alligator had been left at the cinema by a local woman named Talia Flynn. Miss Flynn left the alligator to protest against the monthly Terrence Blunt Marathons held at the Screeningator Cinema. "Terrence Blunt is the worst film producer in the world and does not deserve Desert Rock's respect," she stated in her explanation to the press.

Hours after her interview aired on the local radio, a crowd of approximately three dozen Terrence Blunt fans showed up at the Desert Rock Police Station and attempted to force their way into the building driven by the non-too-veiled desire to lynch Miss Flynn. Police eventually managed to disperse the gathering despite Miss Flynn continuously agitating the crowd with rude gestures from behind the bars of her cell.

The following day Talia Flynn was bailed from the jail by a representative of none other than Hollywood film producer Rick Jackson, Terrence Blunt's arch rival. The self-proclaimed god of Hollywood is apparently offering Miss Flynn a job in his film production company, in the Marketing Department.

The future of Miss Flynn's alligator also seems unexpectedly bright. Ray Stokes, the owner of the Screeningator Cinema has chosen to adopt the animal and stated his intention to train the alligator to play the part of the cinema's mascot at future Terrence Blunt Marathons. "A live alligator is the perfect cosplayer for me," he said. "I will never have to spend money on an alligator costume again."